Relationship coach shares why 50% of marriages fail and how to avoid the same fate

Feb 01, 2025 11:51 AM IST

‘Butterflies’ won’t save you: Relationship coach reveals the real secret to lasting love.

Relationships have long been a source of both joy and frustration but with divorce rates hovering around ‘50 percent’, many couples wonder where they are going wrong. Recently, the Mighty Pursuit Podcast hosted Jillian Turecki, a certified relationship coach, teacher and writer who spilled the beans on why relationships can often feel mystifying in a society that has a ‘50 percent divorce rate’. Jillian broke things down in a way that is practical, actionable and hopeful to reveal where do we go wrong and are we doomed to fail.

Marriage on the rocks? This expert says you’re focusing on the wrong thing.(Image by Pexels)

The root of relationship struggles

Talking about ‘why 50 percent of the marriages fail’, Jillian said, “One is because people don’t select well, they select based on chemistry and their blueprint of like, “someone gives me butterflies” as opposed to having the tough conversations about “what do we believe a life well lived is? What is our stance on children? What is our stance on money? What is our stance on spirituality like what’s our values and what are we gonna do to fight for this relationship when we have a hard time?” So people don’t have those conversations and then they are not able to assess if they’re actually with the right person for them.”

Skipping these fundamental conversations means couples often enter marriage without a clear understanding of each other’s values, goals and non-negotiables. This lack of alignment can lead to deep conflicts down the road, making it difficult for a relationship to withstand the inevitable ups and downs of life.

Lack of relationship skills and emotional maturity

Even when people choose the right partner, many still struggle with making a marriage last. Turecki emphasized that another major issue is a lack of relationship skills and said, “Then also people don’t have the skills to make a relationship work over the long term and people get very selfish. So we become fixated on what we’re not getting and we don’t think about what we’re not giving. We get on our heads, we create a lot of stories about the other person. We build up a lot of resentment, that resentment creates a lot of resistance, that resistance creates a tense physiology and in that tense physiology we’re not attracted to each other anymore. We lose the motivation to meet each other’s needs and that’s all part of the learned helplessness. Then we think you there’s no better way to move forward from this than to get a divorce.”

So, according to the relationship expert, the way to break free from this cycle is for couples to shift their focus from what they aren’t receiving to what they can actively contribute to the relationship. Developing emotional resilience, improving communication and having ongoing discussions about shared values are crucial for long-term success.